Interacting Well With Others / Colossians 3:15-4:1

Amen. If for some reason you missed last week, you have got to check out the podcast because my buddy DJ lost his mind. If you got to see him at midweek or on the video, you saw and heard about thirty or forty deep from Saint Rest who rolled over and worshiped with us. It was awesome because they were talking back to him! I told him, “Now DJ, we’re not really used to that.” He said, “Don’t worry, I’m going to bring my own.” So he brought his crew.

Then DJ came back for the seven o’clock service to teach our college students, and it was like DJ Criner unhinged. He was preaching, he was going for it, and I learned a lot. I thought, I should totally try that. That looked great! He was working that sweat rag and everything. But then I realized I have a problem: I don’t sweat so much on my forehead; I sweat more on my chest. In fact, it usually looks like a smiley face. I thought, How do I get to that? That’s a little weird. So I’m not going to use the sweat rag this evening.

Putting on the New Uniform

If you have your Bibles, open to Colossians chapter 3. What I want to do is connect the dots to what was said last week and spring into where we are heading this week. It is a tough act to follow, no question, but let’s review a bit.

In chapter 3, verse 5, the Apostle Paul talks about considering the members of our earthly body as dead. If you remember, DJ was talking about killing it—putting to death the things that are killing you.

Colossians 3:5 (NASB)

Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry.

There are two things to keep in mind here. First, this is initiated by the finished work of Christ on the cross. Second, there is a work we have in identifying those things and continuing that transformation in our lives. That leads into verse 8, where he says to rid yourself or put these things aside.

Colossians 3:8 (NASB)

But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, [and] abusive speech from your mouth.

This is the active work of sanctification—getting in step with what God is doing. What things in my life don’t look like Jesus? What things do I need to be mindful of, set aside, and strip off?

At the seven o’clock service, DJ was talking about stripping off the old self. By the second or third button on his shirt, I was thinking, Okay, you need to stop! But the idea is exactly right: we need to take off this old self and put on the new self.

Colossians 3:10 (NASB)

and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him–

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that once the old you is put off and the new self is put on, everything is instantly perfect and you will never struggle with that old life again. The reality is that the old life, even though you have taken it off and killed those things in you, has a strange way of crawling right out of the dirty clothes hamper and jumping back onto your back.

Paul says you need to put on this new self that is being renewed in the true knowledge of God. As DJ mentioned, we are now part of a new team. That new team comes with new requirements, new expectations, a new playbook, and a new uniform—bound together by the belt of love, which holds compassion, kindness, humility, and gentleness all together.

What we cover now in Colossians 3:15 through 4:1 is: What does life look like for the “new us” in our everyday relationships? How does wearing this new uniform influence the way we interact with the people around us?

In these twelve verses, there are twelve imperative commands. It is as if the Apostle Paul is saying, “Look, I am not messing around anymore. You need to get this.”

Let Peace Rule and the Word Dwell

It starts with two things we are commanded to let happen inside of us.

Colossians 3:15 (NASB)

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.

Notice he doesn’t say let the peace of Christ rule in your mind; he says let it rule in your hearts, because that is what you have been called into as one body. This transformation has to happen at a heart level.

Then look at the second command in verse 16.

Colossians 3:16 (NASB)

Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms [and] hymns [and] spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

The word dwell comes from the Greek word oikos, which is where we get the word for house. It carries the idea of the Word of God being so familiar in your life that it is like kicking off your shoes at the end of the day in your own living room. Let it be comfortable. Let it be familiar. Let it be a normal part of your everyday life so that it shapes the way you think, the way you live, and the way you interact with others.

When the peace of Christ rules and the Word of Christ richly dwells within us, it overflows into teaching and admonishing one another with wisdom, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with thankfulness in our hearts.

There is a fascinating parallel between this passage and Ephesians chapter 5. In Ephesians 5, Paul talks about not getting drunk with wine, but instead being filled with the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 5:18 (NASB)

And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,

Right after that command in Ephesians, Paul lists the exact same practical relationships as an overflow of being filled with the Spirit. What Paul is saying to the church at Colossae is identical: if you are going to live on this new team with this new uniform, you have to let the peace of Christ rule in your heart and the Word of God richly dwell within you.

Remember, the gospel is a continual work in our lives. God is not done with you yet. In Philippians, Paul tells us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling.

Philippians 2:12-13 (NASB)

So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for [His] good pleasure.

On a bad day, Type A personalities stop reading at “work out your salvation” and start making a checklist of things to do. But the passage continues: for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. There is always the initiative of God and the response of us.

When we allow the peace of God to rule and the Word of God to dwell in us, it directly impacts six major relationships: wives to husbands, husbands to wives, children to parents, parents to children, servants to masters, and masters to servants.

In Ephesians, Paul expands significantly on marriage. In Colossians, he touches on marriage briefly and expands much more on the relationship between slaves and masters. Why? Because the man delivering this letter to Colossae was a man named Onesimus. Onesimus was a runaway slave from Colossae carrying two letters from Paul: the letter to the Colossians and the letter to Philemon, his owner. Paul was sending him back with instructions to Philemon to receive him no longer as a slave, but as a brother in Christ.

Wives and Husbands: Mutual Submission and Tender Love

Let’s look at the first pairing.

Colossians 3:18 (NASB)

Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

When you mention wives submitting to their husbands, two things usually happen: ladies want to throw chairs at the speaker, and then they look at their husbands and roll their eyes thinking, He doesn’t deserve it. And the reality is, he probably doesn’t!

To understand what this means, we look at the broader context of Scripture, such as Ephesians 5:21, which speaks of submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 5:21-22 (NASB)

and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, [be subject] to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

The word submit literally means to willingly place oneself under. It has nothing to do with value or worth. It does not mean one person is better, smarter, or more important than the other. Instead, it is an attitude where a wife willingly supports and honors the leadership of her husband, appealing to him as an equal partner in creation and redemption, encouraging him to be the godly leader God designed him to be.

The problem with submission is rarely submission itself; it is usually a misunderstanding of leadership. Look at what Paul commands husbands in verse 19.

Colossians 3:19 (NASB)

Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

I have been married to my wife, Jen, for almost eighteen years. In doing life together, it is fascinating to watch the cycles in our marriage. If I wake up in a good mood, the atmosphere of the whole house shifts. Jen is smiling, I’m grateful, the kids are brushing their teeth, and life is great.

On the rare occasion that I wake up grumpy and short-tempered, Jen gets a little salty, the kids get off track, and the whole house starts spinning out of control. It usually happens because we are not walking in our God-given roles. If I am being harsh or selfish, it makes it incredibly difficult for my wife to respect and follow my leadership.

The word used for love in verse 19 is agape—an unconditional, tender, self-sacrificing love. It is a commitment that says, “I am going to care for you, cherish you, speak kindly to you, and treat you like the precious treasure you are to the Lord.”

Men, when things go sideways in your home, call a timeout and do a little debrief. You will almost always find that some percentage of the conflict is on you. It might be a small percentage, but we have to own 100% of our part. We are called to love our wives and not be embittered against them.

To be embittered means to harbor resentment or hold a grudge. Men, how do we show bitterness? We can show it through a harsh tone, a cold demeanor, or by constantly picking our spouses apart. Peter reminds us to live with our wives in an understanding way.

1 Peter 3:7 (NASB)

You husbands in the same way, live with [your wives] in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

You married a woman, not a college roommate. You cannot treat her like one of the guys. You are called to honor, protect, and love her deeply.

Children and Fathers: Obedience and Encouragement

Next, Paul addresses the home dynamics between children and parents.

Colossians 3:20 (NASB)

Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.

All the parents love that verse! But notice the heart behind it. Children are called to honor and obey their parents because it pleases the Lord. This echoes the fifth commandment in Exodus 20.

Exodus 20:12 (NASB)

’Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.

Of course, there is an asterisk here: a child is never expected to obey a command that is sinful or abusive. But within God’s design, children are called to listen, respect, and obey.

Then look at verse 21. Notice it does not say, “Mothers, do not exasperate your children.” It speaks directly to fathers.

Colossians 3:21 (NASB)

Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.

God places a distinct responsibility on men to set the spiritual tone in the home. The best kind of leadership is godly, servant leadership that deeply values and honors the voice of your wife.

Too many dads have bought into the lie that their sole purpose in life is to provide financially—working endless overtime for a bigger house, a nicer boat, or another vacation—while giving their families the leftover scraps of their time and emotional energy. What your kids need far more than your money is you.

Paul says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.” Do not ride your kids to the point of exhaustion. Do not be the parent who sees a report card with five A’s and one B and immediately snaps, “What happened with the B?” Do not be the dad living vicariously through your eight-year-old athlete, pushing them so relentlessly with trainers and travel teams that by high school they burn out and walk away from everything.

To exasperate means to embitter, to crush the spirit, or to cause deep resentment. Dads, there is no voice on earth that carries more weight in the life of your child than yours. What you speak over them matters. If you constantly tell them they are foolish, lazy, or a disappointment, they will carry those wounds for decades. But if you tell them, “I believe in you. God has gifted you. You have incredible character, and I am proud to be your dad,” they will soar.

This convicted me deeply this week. With two daughters, ages fourteen and eleven, they are at an impressionable age where they need to know I believe in them. After a long, stressful day, it is easy to walk through the front door, see backpacks on the floor, dirty shoes everywhere, and a half-eaten snack on the counter, and just start picking at them. If I am not careful, I will embitter them.

We need to breathe life into our kids. Go to their games—even if it is the “C team” where there is a double-dribble on every play. Put your phone away, sit in the stands, and delight in them.

A few years ago at a track meet, I heard a mother screaming at her kid who was struggling in a race: “Don’t you quit! You are such a quitter! You will always be a quitter!” When the kid walked off the track, she tore into that child. I walked past and literally said out loud, “Wow.” That poor kid hung their head in complete shame. That is what it looks like to lose heart.

When our families operate under the rule of Christ, they become a powerful witness. Very few things impact a watching world more than a loving, Christ-centered family.

Servants and Masters: Working for the True King

Finally, Paul addresses slaves and masters.

Colossians 3:22 (NASB)

Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who [merely] please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord.

When we read about slavery in the Bible, we need historical context. First-century Roman slavery was vastly different from the race-based chattel slavery of the American South. In the Roman Empire, roughly half the population were slaves, encompassing conquered peoples of all backgrounds, including doctors, teachers, artisans, and laborers. While the apostles were not political revolutionaries setting out to dismantle the Roman economic system overnight, the gospel planted the seeds that fundamentally undermined the entire institution.

Tragically, in our own nation’s history, white plantation owners ripped passages like Colossians 3:22 out of context to justify the horrific sin of chattel slavery. That was an absolute atrocity and a wicked perversion of the Word of God. As the church, we must openly acknowledge and lament that historical sin.

Look at how Paul addresses these workers:

Colossians 3:23-24 (NASB)

Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.

Paul tells them, “Your earthly master is not your ultimate master. You serve the Lord Christ.”

The modern application for us in the workplace is direct: whatever you do, do it with integrity and excellence. If you could cut a corner, clock in late without getting caught, or sweep around the dirt, don’t do it. Work heartily as unto the Lord. You aren’t just working for a paycheck or a boss; you are wearing the jersey of Jesus Christ. Show up early, stay late, take on the tough assignments with joy, and be the best employee in the company because of who you represent.

Then Paul delivers a revolutionary challenge to the masters.

Colossians 4:1 (NASB)

Masters, grant to your slaves justice and fairness, knowing that you too have a Master in heaven.

In Roman law, masters had absolute power over slaves, including life and death. Slaves were viewed as mere property. Paul looks at Christian masters and says: provide your slaves with justice and fairness, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

Paul does not appeal to pity; he appeals to justice and equality. In Christ, there is neither slave nor free; every human being bears the image of God. In his letter to Philemon, Paul urges him to receive Onesimus back not as property, but as a beloved brother.

Representing Jesus in Every Relationship

Paul flips the cultural norms entirely on their heads. Why? Because we are on a new team.

Colossians 3:17 (NASB)

Whatever you do in word or deed, [do] all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

Every relationship you have—your marriage, your parenting, your job, your friendships—is an opportunity to reflect Jesus Christ. It is not about us. We have been crucified with Christ, and the life we now live, we live for Him.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. Let the Word of God richly dwell in your lives. Put on your new uniform, bind it together with love, and let the world see Jesus through how you treat the people around you.

Let’s pray.

Father, thank You for the clear, practical challenge of this passage. Thank You for Your Word that directs our relationships—how we love our spouses, encourage our children, and conduct ourselves in our work. I pray that the peace of Christ would truly rule in our hearts and that Your Word would dwell richly within us. Help us to wear this new uniform well, bringing honor and glory to the name of Jesus in everything we do. In Christ’s name we pray, Amen.