Relationships / 1 Samuel 18:1-5 / 1 Kings 12:1-15 / Romans 8:1-14
We are going to wrap up our series on the biblical kings today. We have been walking through the lives of the kings of Israel and Judah over the last several weeks, and as we looked toward the conclusion of that series, there were some clear patterns and practical lessons worth drawing out.
We began this three-week conclusion a couple of weeks ago by talking about the absolute importance of our affections being raised to Christ. We cannot place heavenly weight on an earthly king, because an earthly king will always disappoint us. As individuals pursuing Jesus, nothing can be more important to us than pursuing God. If anything sneaks onto the throne of our lives, we have to dethrone that idol and put Christ where He belongs. Behavior is an overflow of the heart. If our heart disconnects from God and drifts toward the things of this world, we should not be surprised when our lives fill up with behavior contrary to the Word of God. Instead of merely trying to fix external behavior, we have to fix the heart by reattaching it to Christ, because He is the one who produces fruit through us.
Last week, we talked about foundations. Built upon the ultimate foundation of the gospel—the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus renewing our hearts—there are three daily spiritual practices that create the stability needed to handle the weight of life. First, submitting to God through obedience to His Word. Second, delighting in God through worship. Third, enjoying intimacy with God through prayer. That is Christianity 101. The good news is that you do not need to climb Mount Everest or have a mystical hallucination to see a vision of God. You can build a foundation in the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ by reading His Word, delighting in Him in worship, and enjoying intimacy in prayer. God meets you in those simple moments.
That brings us to the third foundation I want to address as we conclude this series: relationships. What does it mean to have people and forces that speak truth into your life—those who love you, encourage you, and challenge you?
Before we dive in, let me share a quick story. A couple of weeks ago, my oldest was playing in a volleyball tournament, and we ended up in downtown Santa Cruz. It is a wonderful place, especially if you enjoy sweet hippie music and seeing folks who appear to be flying higher than the sky. We parked, I fed the meter, and we started walking toward Pizza My Heart. In my mind, a timer was running. In fact, I had a timer set on my watch because I refuse to pay a parking ticket. As we walked, we passed all kinds of interesting shops and stores. As much as I might have wanted to stop and browse inside, I did not have time because of that meter. I could walk quickly, peek through the glass, or step in briefly, but I was constantly mindful of the clock.
Today, I am mindful of the meter. There are a thousand things I would love to show you from the Scriptures, but we have a limited amount of time. So, let us focus on two vital voices that must speak into our lives: accountable friendships and the Holy Spirit.
1. Accountable Friendships: Walking Out of Isolation
The book of Proverbs gives us a profound warning about trying to do life alone.
Proverbs 18:1 (NASB)
He who separates himself seeks [his own] desire, He quarrels against all sound wisdom.
If you are going to memorize a proverb, memorize that one. When you get isolated, you get squirrelly. You start thinking foolishly, and there is nobody in your life to say, “That is not right. Why are you thinking that?” It is almost impossible to grow in your relationship with God in isolation. God powerfully uses friendships in our lives to bring us back to reality and bring us back to Christ.
When you look at the lives of the biblical kings, it is fascinating to see how their companions spoke into their spiritual journeys. In 1 Samuel 18, you see the remarkable relationship between David and Jonathan. David was the anointed future king of Israel, and Jonathan was the son of King Saul. If anyone had a reason to view David as a rival, it was Jonathan, because David was stepping into the throne Jonathan would have naturally inherited.
1 Samuel 18:1-4 (NASB)
Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself. Saul took him that day and did not let him return to his father’s house. Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, with his armor, including his sword and his bow and his belt.
The text tells us that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David. Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as his own soul. Jonathan stripped himself of his royal robe, his armor, his sword, and his bow, laying them at David’s feet. He said, in effect, “Our friendship is more important than earthly power. I see what God is doing in your life, and I am for you.” That is what a real friend does. A true friend builds you up, encourages you, sharpens you, and points you directly to God.
Unfortunately, the biblical record also gives us tragic counterexamples. Look at Rehoboam, the son of Solomon, in 1 Kings 12. Rehoboam had the opportunity to keep the nation united after Solomon died. The people came to him and explained that Solomon had become a harsh ruler near the end of his life.
1 Kings 12:4 (NASB)
‘Your father made our yoke hard; now therefore lighten the hard service of your father and his heavy yoke which he put on us, and we will serve you.’
The request was simple: lighten the load, don’t be a tyrant, and the people will serve you faithfully. Rehoboam asked for three days to think it over. He went to the elders who had advised his father, and they gave him wise counsel: serve the people, be humble, speak good words to them, and they will be your servants forever. But Rehoboam rejected their wisdom.
1 Kings 12:8-10 (NASB)
But he forsook the counsel of the elders which they had given him, and consulted with the young men who grew up with him and served him. So he said to them, ’What counsel do you give that we may answer this people who have spoken to me, saying, ‘Lighten the yoke which your father put on us’?’ The young men who grew up with him spoke to him, saying, ’Thus you shall say to this people who spoke to you, saying, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, now you make it lighter for us!’ But you shall speak to them, ’My little finger is thicker than my father’s loins!
Rehoboam went to his high school buddies—young men who grew up with him—and asked what they thought. They gave him arrogant, foolish advice, telling him to boast that his little finger would be thicker than his father’s waist and that he would make their yoke even heavier. Rehoboam listened to those foolish companions, acted like a tyrant, and fractured the kingdom.
We see another example in 2 Chronicles 24 with King Joash. Joash took the throne when he was only seven years old. Obviously, a seven-year-old is not qualified to govern a nation, but he had an incredible mentor named Jehoiada the priest. As long as Jehoiada lived and spoke into his life, Joash repaired the temple, restored the priesthood, and led the people in righteousness. But then Jehoiada died at the ripe old age of 130.
2 Chronicles 24:17-18 (NASB)
But after the death of Jehoiada the officials of Judah came and bowed down to the king, and the king listened to them. They abandoned the house of the LORD, the God of their fathers, and served the Asherim and the idols; so wrath came upon Judah and Jerusalem for this their guilt.
As soon as that godly mentor was gone, unsavory officials came and flattered the king. Joash listened to them, abandoned the house of the Lord, and began serving idols. Wrath came upon the nation because of their guilt.
Friends will either lift you up or lead you astray. The influences in your life will either draw you closer to God or pull you away from Him. You probably already know which of your friends bring you closer to Christ and which ones make your spouse nervous when you go hang out with them.
When we look at the Old Testament kings, godly friends were few and far between. Most of those leaders isolated themselves, surrounded themselves with “yes men,” and silenced anyone who spoke truth. When God sent Elijah to King Ahab, Ahab called him the “troubler of Israel.” When Jeremiah spoke truth, they threw him into a muddy cistern. By eliminating godly voices, those kings removed the anvil from their lives, and no sharpening could take place.
Proverbs 27:17 (NASB)
Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.
When you turn to the New Testament, you see a completely different model. Jesus called twelve disciples; in a sense, He changed the world through a life group. Jesus enjoyed relationships. When you read the Gospels, you realize Jesus was the kind of person you would love to spend a Friday evening with. There were great stories, plenty of food, and rich fellowship.
Jesus sent His disciples out in pairs. When Paul launched his missionary journeys in Acts, he traveled with Barnabas, John Mark, Silas, and Timothy. Why? Because the wisdom of Ecclesiastes remains timeless.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NASB)
Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm [alone]? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three [strands] is not quickly torn apart.
God designed us to do life in community. In Acts 2, the early church devoted themselves continually to the apostles’ teaching, to fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer. That word fellowship (koinonia) refers to deep, reciprocal relationship. The early church was built on iron sharpening iron and hearts knit together in Christ.
There are three observations we can make about accountable friendships:
First, God uses friendships to bring joy and carry burdens. We are called to bear one another’s burdens, encourage one another, and pray for one another. Just today, a brother from our church called me, heartbroken over a tragedy involving his son, asking for prayer. That is what the body of Christ does. We walk together through the valley.
Second, God uses friendships to shape our character. Show me your friends, and I will show you your future. We inevitably become like the people we spend our time with.
1 Corinthians 15:33 (NASB)
Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals.’
When I look back at seasons in my life where I was walking faithfully with God, it was almost always because my tribe was walking faithfully with God. In seasons where I drifted, it was because my companions were dishonoring God. Old habits are hard to break when bad company surrounds you.
Third, real friendship requires speaking hard truths in love. In Luke 6, Jesus addresses how we relate to one another’s shortcomings.
Luke 6:41-42 (NASB)
’Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ’Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.
We often stop reading halfway through that verse and conclude, “Well, I have a plank in my own eye, so I can never talk to my brother about his sin.” But notice what Jesus actually says: “First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.” Deal with your own sin first, but do not abandon your brother to his.
Proverbs 27:6 (NASB)
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
A person who claims to be your friend but refuses to speak the hard truth to help you walk with Jesus is not acting like a friend. Real love takes the risk. Real love steps into the mess.
Most people avoid this level of spiritual intimacy because dealing with the log in their own eye is painful and exhausting. So we make an unspoken truce: “I won’t bring up your stuff if you don’t bring up my stuff.” That is not Christian community; that is a mutual agreement for spiritual apathy.
1 John 1:6-7 (NASB)
If we say that we have fellowship with Him and [yet] walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.
When we walk in the light and bring our real struggles to the table—saying, “This is what I am battling, will you pray for me and hold me accountable?”—authentic fellowship begins. God has so much more for your relationships than superficial posing.
2. The Holy Spirit: The Divine Voice Within
The second vital relationship speaking into our lives is the Holy Spirit. One theologian described the Holy Spirit as “the tremendous, repelling, yet fascinating and attracting dimension of the divine.” In our culture, people tend to be either obsessed with the Holy Spirit or phobic of Him. Either every breeze that blows is an immediate mystical sign, or we act as if He does not exist at all. We need a solid, biblical understanding.
Our God is Triune: one God eternally existing in three distinct persons—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word for Spirit is Ruach, meaning breath, wind, or spirit. The Ruach of God hovered over the waters at creation in Genesis 1. God breathed the Ruach of life into Adam’s nostrils in Genesis 2. That same Spirit empowered Moses, came upon Samson with supernatural strength, and rested upon King David.
In the Old Testament, however, the Spirit would come upon individuals for specific tasks and seasons, and could depart. Saul experienced the Spirit, but when he rebelled, the Spirit departed. That is why David cried out in repentance after his sin with Bathsheba.
Psalms 51:11 (NASB)
Do not cast me away from Your presence And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
In the New Testament, the Greek word is Pneuma. Everything changes under the New Covenant. Jesus promised His disciples that the Spirit would not merely visit them temporarily, but dwell within them permanently.
John 14:16-17 (NASB)
’I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever; [that is] the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, [but] you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you.
When you hear the gospel and believe in Jesus Christ, you are sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise. The Spirit is given as a down payment, a pledge guaranteeing our future inheritance until the day of redemption.
Ephesians 1:13-14 (NASB)
In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation– having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of [God’s own] possession, to the praise of His glory.
You never have to pray Psalm 51 in fear that God will take His Holy Spirit from you. If you belong to Christ, the Spirit of God permanently indwells you.
Romans 8:9 (NASB)
However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him.
So, what does the Holy Spirit do in our lives? He regenerates us and empowers us for godliness. Galatians 5 tells us that if we walk by the Spirit, we will not carry out the desires of the flesh. The way you overcome the pull of sin is not merely by gritting your teeth and fighting sin in your own strength; it is by passionately pursuing Jesus in the power of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:17 (NASB)
For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.
There is a constant war between the flesh and the Spirit. The flesh tries to pull you back into your old patterns, like a creature in a horror movie grabbing at your heels. Sanctification is an ongoing, lifelong process.
Paul writes in Philippians 2 that we are to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in us both to will and to work for His good pleasure. If you try to work out your salvation without the Spirit, you end up on the exhausting treadmill of dead religion. But if you sit back passively and expect God to change you without your participation, you will remain stagnant. Spiritual growth happens when the Holy Spirit initiates and we respond in obedience.
John 16:8 (NASB)
’And He, when He comes, will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment;
The Holy Spirit convicts us of sin. Years ago, my wife and I went to a movie theater. Three minutes into the film, the characters unleashed a barrage of foul language and darkness. I turned to my wife, tapped her shoulder, and said, “Let’s get out of here.” My spirit was grieved. On another occasion, we watched a movie dealing with the dark world of pornography, and afterward, we felt so spiritually dirty that we immediately got on our knees and prayed in repentance. We had grieved the Spirit.
Walking with the Spirit means remaining sensitive to His promptings. There are environments, conversations, or habits where the Spirit will whisper, “No, this is not good for you.” Christians love to make external rules, but true discipleship is about cultivating a sensitive heart that submits to the Spirit’s conviction.
If you continually resist and fight the Spirit, you will grieve Him. If you persist in rebellion, you can quench the Spirit, until your conscience becomes seared and callous. There is nothing more terrifying than becoming numb to the presence and voice of God.
Romans 8:6-8 (NASB)
For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able [to do so], and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
Romans 8:12-14 (NASB)
So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh– for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.
Those who are led by the Spirit of God are the sons and daughters of God. You have the very Spirit of the living God dwelling inside of you, empowering you to put to death the deeds of the flesh and walk in life and peace.
Conclusion: Walking with the King
As we wrap up our journey through the lives of the kings, let us remember what matters most:
Our affections must be raised to Jesus Christ. He must be our chief aim, our greatest delight, and our highest good.
We must build our daily lives on the three core foundations: submitting to God through obedience to His Word, delighting in God through worship, and enjoying intimacy with God through prayer.
And we must embrace the two voices God has provided to speak into our lives: accountable, godly friendships that love us enough to sharpen us, and the Holy Spirit who guides, convicts, and empowers us from within.
Let us lean into these truths and walk faithfully before our King.
Let’s pray.
Father, thank You for Your grace and patience with us. We know this journey of following Jesus includes stumbles, bruised knees, and moments of failure. Thank You that when we fall, You lovingly pick us up, tend to our wounds, and set our feet back on the path of righteousness. Make us a church that walks in authentic community, locking arms with one another and listening closely to Your Holy Spirit, keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus as our supreme treasure. In Jesus’ name, Amen.