The Meaning of Marriage / Mark 10:1-12
A Culture of Broken Covenants
Well, church, it is good to see you again this week. If you have a Bible with you, turn to Mark chapter 10. That is where we are going to find ourselves today as we continue in our series, To Follow the Servant, through the Gospel according to Mark.
I do not know how much time you spend keeping up with the news. There are so many issues in our culture these days that are intensely heated, but one that has been heated for a very long time—and is certainly heating up yet again this week—is the issue of marriage. Even as I speak right now, there are nine Supreme Court justices who are just days, if not hours away, from delivering a ruling on marriage that will shape our nation. People are debating whether we will continue with the historical, traditional definition of marriage or whether we will redefine it legally and culturally.
Beyond the legal debates, look at the cultural trends: fewer and fewer people are choosing to get married at all. Not only is the definition of marriage on the chopping block, but the very purpose and sacred meaning of marriage has lost its bearing in so many lives. Many people are choosing to simply live together rather than entering into the covenant of marriage, because our culture no longer feels the divine weight of what marriage actually is.
Alongside the confusion around marriage itself, there is probably no greater damage being done in our culture than the pain that comes from divorce. I know that as I speak to this room right now, there are many in here who have felt the deep sting of divorce. Some of you have walked through it personally. Others have watched close family and friends go through it. Many of you, as children, have lived through the painful collateral damage of your parents’ divorce.
Yet, as heartbreaking as divorce is, our culture treats it casually and even celebrates it. More than 3,000 marriages end in divorce every single day in the United States. If you Google the word “divorce,” pages of law firm advertisements pop up offering quick, easy, no-hassle ways out. One prominent law firm even uses the slogan, “Life is short, so get a divorce.”
We are swimming in a culture saturated with brokenness and relational hurt, but at the same time celebrating easy exits. This has led to immense confusion and deep pain. But you need to know this is not a modern invention. This is not something the 1960s produced. This brokenness goes all the way back to the beginning, when sin first entered the world. Ever since the Fall, the definition, purpose, and meaning of marriage have been twisted.
The exact same tension existed in Jesus’ day. Marriage and divorce were hot-button cultural and theological issues. In Mark 10, Jesus addresses them directly. He knows that the meaning of marriage and the reality of divorce are too significant to dodge or ignore.
As we walk through these twelve verses, my prayer is that we approach this subject with tremendous grace, sensitivity, and patience, but also with unwavering truth. Learning to follow the Servant, Jesus, means surrendering our personal will to God’s will—especially in the area of marriage.
The Trap of the Pharisees
Notice how the scene is set in Mark 10, beginning in verse 1:
Jesus went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan. Crowds gathered around Him again, and according to His custom, He once more began to teach them. Some Pharisees came up to Jesus to test Him, asking whether it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife. He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” In other words, “What do the Scriptures say?” They replied, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”
Mark 10:1-4 (NASB)
Getting up, He went from there to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan; crowds gathered around Him again, and, according to His custom, He once more [began] to teach them. [Some] Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and [began] to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. And He answered and said to them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ They said, ‘Moses permitted [a man] TO WRITE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND [her] AWAY.’
Right out of the gate, we see that this is another calculated test. The Pharisees are trying to trap Jesus with a trick question. Their strategy throughout Mark’s Gospel has been consistent: if they can force Jesus into a heretical answer, they can disqualify Him as the Messiah. Or, at the very least, if they can get Him to take a controversial side on a polarizing issue, He will alienate half of His followers and lose His popularity.
The question they ask is based on a famous passage in Deuteronomy 24. In the giving of the Law, Moses spoke about the possibility of a man issuing a certificate of divorce if he found some “indecency” in his wife.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (NASB)
’When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts [it] in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s [wife], and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts [it] in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, [then] her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.
Over the centuries leading up to the first century, two primary theological camps had developed in Jewish culture around the interpretation of that word “indecency.”
On one side was the conservative school of Shammai. Shammai interpreted Deuteronomy 24 very strictly. He argued that there was no permissible ground for divorce except for gross sexual immorality or adultery. Moses, according to Shammai, granted divorce on that singular basis alone.
On the opposite end of the spectrum was the school of Hillel. Hillel was far more liberal. He took the word “indecency” to mean virtually anything that displeased the husband. Hillel famously taught that if a wife burned dinner, her husband had legal grounds to issue a certificate of divorce and send her away. God help us if that were the standard! We would see marriages ending over burned toast and ruined salads.
Hillel was immensely popular and had even served as the leader of the Sanhedrin shortly before Jesus’ ministry. So when the Pharisees ask Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” they are really asking, “Whose side are you on, Jesus? Are you with Shammai or Hillel?”
There was another layer of danger in this question. Look at where Jesus was geographically. Mark tells us He was in Judea, beyond the Jordan—the territory ruled by Herod Antipas. Herod Antipas was the ruler who had divorced his own wife to marry Herodias, his brother’s wife. When John the Baptist confronted that unlawful marriage, Herod had him arrested and beheaded. The Pharisees were asking a question in Herod’s backyard that had just cost John the Baptist his life. The political and theological stakes could not have been higher.
Getting Back to the Original Design
How does Jesus respond? Look at verse 5:
Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this command.”
Mark 10:5 (NASB)
But Jesus said to them, ’Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.
Jesus tells them they are missing the entire point. They are obsessing over a single tree while being completely blind to the entire forest. Deuteronomy 24 was never given to encourage or promote divorce. Moses did not write that law as an enticing exit strategy. It was written as a legal protection to regulate a tragic reality caused by human hardness of heart.
In an ancient patriarchal society, if a husband discarded his wife without legal documentation, she was left financially destitute, socially vulnerable, and ruined. Moses instituted the certificate of divorce not as a divine endorsement of divorce, but as a merciful concession to protect vulnerable women from the collateral damage of hard-hearted men.
Jesus tells them they have taken a concession and turned it into a license. It is like learning how to fly an airplane solely to prepare for it to crash. Airplanes were not designed to crash; the goal of aviation is not the crash. In the same way, marriage was never created to end in divorce. While crashes happen due to brokenness, the entire focus of the discussion was wrong.
Jesus tells them that instead of debating how to legally justify walking away from a covenant, we need to lift our eyes to understand why God created marriage in the first place. Look at what He says in verses 6 through 9:
“But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Mark 10:6-9 (NASB)
’But from the beginning of creation, [God] MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. ’FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. ‘What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.’
Jesus takes them all the way back to Genesis 1 and 2, establishing three essential realities about marriage.
First, Jesus reminds us of the original definition of marriage. Marriage is a God-ordained institution between one man and one woman. That was God’s design from the very beginning. There was no Plan B.
Second, Jesus explains that in marriage, God takes two separate individuals and forms an entirely new entity. They receive a new relational identity under God. They leave the primary allegiance to father and mother and cleave to one another in an enduring, lifelong covenant.
Third, Jesus establishes that God Himself is the author and sealer of this union. The Pharisees viewed marriage as an agreement managed and dissolved at man’s convenience. Jesus completely flips that premise. Marriage is not man’s invention; it is God’s idea. God joins the husband and wife together. Therefore, the covenant is meant to be permanent, binding, and enduring, regardless of shifting emotions or cultural trends. No human being has the authority to tear apart what God has joined.
Jesus tells them, “Before you consult an irritated husband or debate the opinions of Shammai and Hillel, go back to the beginning and ask God why He created marriage in the first place.”
The Mystery of the Gospel
There is an even deeper dimension to marriage that gives it supreme weight. In Ephesians chapter 5, the Apostle Paul describes the roles of husbands and wives in mutual submission, sacrificial service, and love. At the conclusion of that chapter, Paul makes a profound statement that completely reorients our understanding of marriage.
Notice what Paul writes in Ephesians 5:31–32:
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.”
Ephesians 5:31-32 (NASB)
FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
A biblical mystery is something that was once hidden but has now been revealed. Paul pulls back the curtain and reveals the ultimate reason God created marriage.
Marriage is about far more than finding a best friend to navigate life with. It is about far more than romance, companionship, having children, or receiving a tax deduction. All of those things are blessings, but they are not the ultimate purpose.
From the very beginning, marriage was designed by God to tell a story. It is a living, breathing picture of the gospel—the relentless, faithful, covenant-keeping love of Jesus Christ for His church.
Think about what God did for us. We were sinful, stained, spiritual rebels separated from God, standing under His righteous judgment and completely helpless to save ourselves. Yet God, rich in mercy, sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to be our substitute. Jesus took our sin and wrath upon Himself on the cross, clothed us in His righteousness, and brought us into an everlasting covenant of grace that will never be broken.
Before the foundations of the earth were laid, God purposed to display His covenantal love. He created marriage as an earthly picture of this heavenly reality.
Every time a husband stands at the altar, committing to sacrificially love and lay down his life for his bride, he reflects Christ’s love for the church. Every time a bride walks down the aisle clothed in white, receiving that sacrificial love, she reflects the church responding to Christ. Whether a couple realizes it or not, their covenant is meant to testify to the gospel of Jesus Christ.
This is why covenant-breaking is so heartbreaking. When we abandon a marriage under the banner of incompatibility or irreconcilable differences, we distort the picture of the gospel. God says to His people, “I will never leave you. I will never forsake you. Though you fall and fail, My covenant is sure.”
Look at the book of Hosea. God commanded the prophet Hosea to marry Gomer, a woman who proved unfaithful and repeatedly ran after other lovers. Yet Hosea pursued her, bought her back, and lavished love upon her. God gave Israel that living illustration to say, “You have been unfaithful to Me, yet My covenant love will never let you go.”
This is why God speaks so strongly in the Scriptures against divorce.
Malachi 2:16 (NASB)
‘For I hate divorce,’ says the LORD, the God of Israel, ‘and him who covers his garment with wrong,’ says the LORD of hosts. ‘So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.’
Divorce distorts the picture of God’s unbreakable covenant with His people. Beyond the real sociological, emotional, and financial pain of divorce—which every counselor and child of divorce knows all too well—the greatest tragedy is the distortion of the gospel witness.
Earthly marriage is a shadow of a greater substance. Jesus told us that in the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage.
Matthew 22:30 (NASB)
’For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.
Earthly marriages will pass away because the shadow will finally give way to the substance: the eternal union between Christ and His redeemed bride, the church.
The Heart of the Matter
After Jesus addressed the crowd, the disciples pressed Him further behind closed doors. Look at verses 10 through 12:
In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again. And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.”
Mark 10:10-12 (NASB)
In the house the disciples [began] questioning Him about this again. And He said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.’
Those are weighty, sobering words. In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus includes the exceptional clause regarding sexual immorality.
Matthew 5:32 (NASB)
but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for [the] reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul also addresses situations where an unbelieving spouse abandons a believer.
1 Corinthians 7:15 (NASB)
Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such [cases], but God has called us to peace.
Scripture acknowledges that due to extreme unrepentant sin—such as gross sexual immorality, abandonment, or unrepentant destructive abuse—a covenant may be broken. For those wanting to dig deeper into the specific biblical nuances, we have an extensive position paper available on our website at thewellcommunity.org, written by our pastors and elders.
Scripture makes it abundantly clear that God never legitimizes divorce for trivial reasons. The Bible does not recognize divorce because “we fell out of love,” “I deserve to be happy,” or “we grew apart.” Walking away from a sacred covenant for selfish reasons and entering a new union is unfaithfulness to God’s design.
Even when biblically permissible grounds for divorce exist, divorce is never God’s preferred command. God’s heart is always for repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing whenever possible. Only a persistently hardened heart prevents God from restoring what is broken.
Grace, Healing, and Hope
As we close, I want to speak directly to three specific groups of people in our church family.
First, I want to speak to those who have walked through divorce. Perhaps you initiated an unbiblical divorce in your past, or you carry lingering shame over a broken marriage. You need to hear this clearly: there is no sin beyond the reach of the blood of Jesus Christ.
Mark 3:28 (NASB)
’Truly I say to you, all sins shall be forgiven the sons of men, and whatever blasphemies they utter;
If you are in Christ, there is no condemnation for you. You do not have to wear a spiritual scarlet letter. God’s grace is entirely sufficient for you.
True freedom begins with bringing our past into the light. If there was unconfessed sin, bring it before the Lord. Repent of hard-heartedness, receive His full forgiveness, and where possible, seek horizontal reconciliation. Apologize to those who were wounded—a former spouse, your children, or family members.
If you are currently remarried, God does not want you to break your current covenant to try to fix a past one. Be faithful right where you are. Come before God with a broken and contrite heart, as David did in the Psalms, and walk in the freedom of His grace.
Psalms 51:17 (NASB)
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
Second, I want to speak to couples who are struggling right now. Some of you are in immense pain. You are frustrated, exhausted, and contemplating walking away.
I want to remind you that we serve a God who specializes in resurrecting dead things. He reconciles the seemingly irreconcilable. He can heal your marriage.
Many of you know my story. My father walked out on my mother, my two brothers, and me when I was three years old to be with his secretary. Growing up with the shrapnel of that broken home, my brothers and I made a solemn pact that we would never let divorce happen in our families.
Years later, while I was in college, my brother called me in tears and fury: his wife had been unfaithful. He was ready to hire the best lawyers, take the kids, and walk away. It felt like our worst nightmare was repeating itself.
Two weeks later, my brother called me back, choked up with emotion, and asked, “Shay, what can your God do to save my marriage?”
I drove to Houston, Texas. As a single guy in my mid-twenties, I sat in a living room with my brother and his wife, who were sitting on opposite ends of the room, cold as ice, refusing to even look at each other. Sitting on the couch next to them was my father and the woman he had left us for.
In that room, all I knew to do was share the gospel of Jesus Christ. I shared about the relentless, covenant-keeping love of Jesus, who never abandons us despite our sin. As the Holy Spirit moved, I watched my brother and his wife break down in tears, reach across the couch, take each other’s hands, and surrender their lives to Jesus Christ.
It was not an overnight, easy fix. It was messy, and they had to limp through the hard work of counseling, repentance, forgiveness, and rebuilt trust. But God completely restored their marriage.
Today, my brother and his wife lead a global ministry dedicated to helping couples on the brink of divorce find reconciliation. When people ask my brother why he stayed, he says, “Because that is exactly what Jesus Christ did for me. He had every reason to walk away from me, but He stayed.”
If your marriage is struggling, do not fight this alone. Do not wait until your marriage is at a crisis level of ten to reach out. Let our pastors and church community surround you with prayer, biblical counsel, and support. Run toward God’s grace, not toward divorce.
Finally, I want to speak to our singles and those preparing for marriage. Start building a robust, Christ-centered theology of marriage right now. Do not settle for the world’s shallow, disposable view of relationships. Do not avoid marriage out of fear, and do not enter it for selfish reasons. Understand that marriage is a holy covenant designed to reflect the gospel. Prepare your heart now to love sacrificially, forgive continually, and reflect the enduring love of Christ.
Let us pray together.
Father, as we read Your Word, we recognize that we are like Gomer. We have wandered, chasing lesser loves and rebelling against You. Yet You are our divine Hosea. You pursue us with relentless grace, purchase our redemption through Christ, and keep Your covenant forever.
I pray for every person in this room. For those carrying the shame of past failures, wash them in Your forgiveness and let them walk in freedom. For marriages that are struggling and hanging by a thread, pour out Your healing power. Soften hard hearts, bring repentance, and restore what is broken. And for our singles, raise up a generation that honors, cherishes, and displays the sacred covenant of marriage for Your glory.
We commit our lives and our families to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.