Church Care & Correction

Family Business in the Kingdom

If you have your Bibles, open to Matthew chapter 18. We are going to cover verses 15 through 20. We have been dividing up the twenty-eight chapters of Matthew into mini-series, and we turned the page this last week to talk more about what it means to live in community. What does that actually look like?

Jesus, still training His disciples, shifts gears here to deal with what we might call “family business.” You know how it is in your own family—there are things you will talk about privately that, if guests are over for dinner, you hold until the friends leave, and then you finish that family business. In a sense, starting in Matthew 18, Jesus is dealing with some crucial family business.

In verses 1 through 6, we talked about the nature of Jesus inaugurating an upside-down kingdom where the greatest is the least and the least is the greatest, the first is last and the last is first. If you humble yourself, you will be exalted; but if you try to exalt yourself, you will be humbled. That is family business.

Then in verse 7, there is a serious concern for what Jesus calls stumbling blocks—anything or anyone that would hinder us in the race set before us. The author of Hebrews speaks of a similar concept in chapter 12, telling us to lay aside every encumbrance and the sin that so easily entangles, and run with endurance the race set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus.

Hebrews 12:1-2 (NASB)

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Jesus cautions His disciples on the seriousness of stumbling blocks—both people who would trip you up and things in your life that could become a snare. In verses 8 and 9, He is so serious about it that He says if something causes you to stumble, cut it off or pluck it out. Now, I am thankful that passage is not literal, or we would be a bunch of dismembered people gathered here today! But what He is saying is that there is an absolute seriousness about sin around us and sin in us. As the Puritans said, we need to identify sin and uproot it viciously. We must not play games with sin in our lives. If you see something contrary to the Word of God that does not align with the gospel or evidence the faith we claim to hold, we need to say, “Get that out of my life, because it is a stumbling block keeping me from reflecting the image of Christ.”

Jesus is huddling up with His disciples, showing them what it looks like to live in community and pursue Christ together. But in verses 12 through 14, it is not just about you singular; it is about us plural. The heart of God is to seek and save that which is lost. He will leave the ninety-nine in good care to passionately pursue the one straying away from the truth so that He might bring them back.

Matthew 18:12-14 (NASB)

’What do you think? If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is straying? ’If it turns out that he finds it, truly I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine which have not gone astray. ’So it is not [the] will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones perish.

Why is God so committed to removing stumbling blocks? Why is He so committed to us doing life together? Because we are something very special: we are the body of Christ, the local church, the family of God. We are called to pursue Christ together. We are not isolated, individual Christians; we are plural Christians together.

Faith is personal, of course. We do not get grafted in just because we have the right last name or wore the right team jersey. We are grafted into the family of God based on an individual profession of faith in Jesus Christ.

John 1:12 (NASB)

But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, [even] to those who believe in His name,

Each of us must have that moment of clarity where we recognize who Jesus is, who we are not, and turn to Christ. But this concept of faith being both personal and private is a modern-day misnomer. It is biblical nonsense to suggest that we maintain isolated individualism within the body of Christ. Rather, we bring ourselves together in plurality to form the church. Together, we are ambassadors of Christ. Together, we are the aroma of Christ. Together, we put the gospel on display to the world.

The Body of Christ and the Problem of Blind Spots

Yet, can we just be honest? It is not always pretty. Wouldn’t it be great if, the moment you came to faith, all the nonsense of your old self just vanished and you never struggled with it again? But the reality is that we often blow it.

Just this week, I got sideways with my wife and spoke with a tone I normally don’t use. I had to go clean things up with one of my daughters because I was reacting in the flesh. Even as a pastor, I frequently succumb to the flesh. That is the Christian life, isn’t it? You are doing okay, and then—boom—a temporary setback. You get back on the horse, and then another setback occurs. We lose our tempers and say things we regret.

Here is the beauty of walking with the Lord: when those moments come, I hope you sense the conviction I felt. The Lord whispers, Really? You’re going to talk to your wife like that? You’re just going to let your kid drift because you were acting like an ogre? Go clean that up. So I confessed to the Lord, sat my family down, confessed to them, and brought us back together. That is the gospel at work. It continually transforms us and gives us opportunities, not if we sin, but when we sin, to make things right.

But what about the times when we are not even aware of our sin? What about the blind spots?

Have you ever been at lunch with a friend and they get a piece of lettuce stuck right in their front teeth? You see it immediately, and you have that awkward internal debate: Do I say something? Do I wait? Maybe they will take a drink and it’ll wash away? Maybe they will feel it? You try not to make eye contact with the leaf, but you know everyone sees it. Finally, you lean in and say, “Hey, you’ve got a little something right there.” They say, “Oh, thank you!” and wipe it off. Problem solved. It would have been embarrassing if nobody spoke up, but because you cared, you pointed it out.

The same is true in our walk with Jesus. God uses three primary means to transform us:

1. His Word – when we read Scripture and are convicted by truth.
2. His Spirit – when God prompts our hearts and asks, Really? Are you going to respond like that?
3. His People – whom God places in our lives for the blind spots we cannot see on our own.

God puts His people in our lives to say gently, “Hey, have you ever noticed this pattern?” And when we see it, we can say, “Man, I didn’t even realize that. Thank you,” and begin addressing it.

Welcome to Matthew 18:15–20. This is one of the most overlooked, ignored, misapplied, misunderstood, and frankly boogered-up passages in all the Bible. More people have been hurt by poor applications of this passage, and more people have misinterpreted it, than almost any other. The thrust of the text answers this question: What is the most loving thing to do when you see someone’s blind spot?

Just as at lunch the most loving thing is to point out the food in their teeth, the most loving thing when you see a brother or sister caught in sin is to say, “I’m not sure if you notice this or not, but here is a pattern I see, and I love you enough to point it out because I care about you.”

This section is commonly called “church discipline,” which sounds terribly militant. I prefer the phrase care and correction, because that is what it truly is: How do you care well for someone, and when necessary, what does biblical correction look like?

Historically, mishandling this has caused deep pain. Some of you might want to head for the exit just hearing the topic, because you have been in environments where someone was paraded onto a stage in tears to confess their private failures. That is not what Jesus is teaching. On the other hand, some of you have experienced the opposite extreme: a spouse walked away, nobody said a word, and you wondered, Does anyone in this church care about holiness or what the Bible says?

Both extremes are catastrophic. So what does the text actually say?

Caring Enough to Speak: Step One in Private

Let’s walk through verse 15.

Matthew 18:15 (NASB)

’If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.

Notice it begins: “If your brother sins…” We can assume this applies to sisters as well. And let’s be honest, it is usually not if, but when. We are not yet perfected in glory, so we need to get comfortable with this process as the normal ebb and flow of family business.

Notice also that it specifies your brother or sister. This is not about confronting some random person on the street. It assumes a familial bond of faith. We are all adopted into the family of God. Now, this is not qualified by relational familiarity; it does not say, “Here is what you do for close friends, and ignore everyone else.” If someone claims to follow Jesus, we are family.

As a side note: we cannot hold non-Christians to a biblical standard. If the world seems crazy to you, be prepared—without Jesus, there is no moral restraint, and depravity will continue to darken until Christ returns. Romans 8:8 tells us that those who are in the flesh cannot please God. But what an opportunity that gives us, because light shines brightest in the darkness.

Romans 8:8 (NASB)

and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

This passage is strictly family business: brother to brother, sister to sister. (I generally advise against brothers confronting sisters or vice versa one-on-one, as that can create unnecessary relational complications.)

We must remember that while the gospel sets us free, old habits can be hard to break. Yet if we are in Christ, our lives should look noticeably different. If you were doing keg stands and living recklessly before Christ, and now you do the exact same things claiming Christian liberty, we have a fundamental theological problem. The gospel changes us.

Ephesians 4:17-24 (NASB)

So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in [the likeness of] God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.

Because blind spots exist, verse 15 instructs: “Go and show him his fault in private.”

I know what many of you are thinking: Who, me? Are you really telling me that if I see a Christian in sin, I have to go show them their fault? No way. That’s none of my business.

Here is the danger with that mindset: if nobody speaks up early, when does anyone help a person whose life is heading toward a cliff? By the time an issue reaches the elders, it is rarely a level-one or level-two concern; it is a level-eight, nine, or ten fire. Often, by then, marriages are broken and lives are shattered because the body of Christ was too afraid to act like the body of Christ. When elders have to ask, “Where were your friends when this started a year ago?” the answer is usually that people saw it, but stayed silent.

This is the responsibility of every believer. If you are at the gym and see a buddy from your Life Group acting inappropriately flirty with someone, step in. Walk up and ask, “Hey man, how’s your wife?” If you see a coworker who claims to follow Christ flirting dangerously in the office, say something. If you notice a friend whose drinking is becoming excessive and out of control, speak up. What is the highest expression of love? Saying nothing while they head for destruction? No! The greatest expression of love is to speak up, reflecting the heart of the Shepherd who leaves the ninety-nine to rescue the one.

Why We Avoid the Hard Conversations

Why do we avoid these conversations? Several reasons tend to hold us back:

1. We misunderstand the nature of faith. We think faith is completely private: You do your thing, I’ll do mine. But biblical faith is personal, never private. We are limbs of one body.
2. We fear being judgmental. People love to quote Matthew 7:1: “Do not judge, so that you will not be judged.” But keep reading! Jesus explains that with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. He is not forbidding moral discernment; He is forbidding hypocritical, double-standard judgment.

Matthew 7:1-2 (NASB)

’Do not judge so that you will not be judged. ’For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.

3. We don’t want accountability for ourselves. We make an unspoken pact: If I don’t call you out, you won’t call me out. We can live however we want Monday through Saturday, and show up Sunday looking holy. We want just enough Jesus to feel good, but not enough to feel convicted.
4. We focus on our own flaws as an excuse. In Luke 6, Jesus talks about removing the log from your own eye before helping with the speck in your brother’s eye.

Luke 6:41-42 (NASB)

’Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? ’Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.

Some people say, “Well, I have a massive log, so I can never say anything.” Jesus does not say to leave the speck alone forever; He says deal with your log so that you can clearly help your brother with his speck. You can approach a friend with humility: “Hey, I’m working through my own junk right now, but I love you enough to talk about what I see here, and I hope you will do the same for me.” 5. We fear damaging friendships. We worry they will get mad or walk away. But Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.”

Proverbs 27:6 (NASB)

Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.

If a relationship cannot survive loving, biblical truth, was it truly a Christian friendship, or just a social acquaintance? In Galatians 2, Paul confronted Peter publicly because Peter was compromising the gospel out of fear of the circumcision group. Yet later, in 2 Peter 3:15, Peter refers to Paul as our “beloved brother.” Real biblical confrontation deepens authentic relationships.

Galatians 2:11-14 (NASB)

But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. For prior to the coming of certain men from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he [began] to withdraw and hold himself aloof, fearing the party of the circumcision. The rest of the Jews joined him in hypocrisy, with the result that even Barnabas was carried away by their hypocrisy. But when I saw that they were not straightforward about the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas in the presence of all, ’If you, being a Jew, live like the Gentiles and not like the Jews, how [is it that] you compel the Gentiles to live like Jews?

2 Peter 3:15 (NASB)

and regard the patience of our Lord [as] salvation; just as also our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given him, wrote to you,

This is not a trivial matter; it is life and death. If you knew a friend had a life-threatening illness they couldn’t see, you would tell them immediately. Unchecked sin destroys lives.

Romans 6:23 (NASB)

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

James 1:14-15 (NASB)

But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.

Proverbs 24:11 (NASB)

Deliver those who are being taken away to death, And those who are staggering to slaughter, Oh hold [them] back.

Notice that Jesus commands this first step to happen in private. That means keep it off social media! Do not make passive-aggressive prayer requests: “Please pray for so-and-so; they are really struggling with sin.” Do not handle this over text message. You need to look someone in the eyes so they can see your love, care, and humility.

Ensure the issue is clearly biblical, not just a matter of personal preference or opinion. If you need advice beforehand, keep the circle very small. And if you bring a counselor into the loop, that person’s job is to hold you accountable to actually go have the private conversation.

If they listen, verse 15 says you have won your brother or sister! That is the ultimate goal—restoration, not vindication.

Galatians 6:1 (NASB)

Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; [each one] looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.

James 5:19-20 (NASB)

My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

Widening the Circle: Two or Three Witnesses

What happens if private correction fails? Verse 16 tells us what to do.

Matthew 18:16 (NASB)

’But if he does not listen [to you], take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED.

If they refuse to listen, take one or two others along, quoting the principle from Deuteronomy 19:15 that every matter must be established by two or three witnesses.

Deuteronomy 19:15 (NASB)

’A single witness shall not rise up against a man on account of any iniquity or any sin which he has committed; on the evidence of two or three witnesses a matter shall be confirmed.

Why bring others? So the person realizes this is not just one individual’s personal gripe or misunderstanding. You bring trusted, mature believers who can evaluate the situation objectively and say, “We love you, we see this pattern, and Scripture is clear on this matter.” If they listen, reconciliation is achieved.

Involving Church Leadership and Redefining Discipline

If they still refuse to listen, verse 17 outlines the next step: tell it to the church.

Matthew 18:17 (NASB)

’If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

What does “tell it to the church” mean? It does not mean posting mugshots in the church bulletin or publicly shaming someone from the stage. It means bringing the matter to the spiritual leadership of the local body—the elders.

Elders are appointed by God to shepherd and protect the flock, and according to Hebrews 13:17, they will give an account to God for how they watched over souls.

Hebrews 13:17 (NASB)

Obey your leaders and submit [to them], for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.

At The Well, our elders shepherd through a structured care network: Life Group leaders, coaches, staff pastors, and elders. When issues arise, they are typically handled right within living rooms and small group communities. But if someone continually rejects biblical correction at every level, the elders must step in.

If that person refuses to listen even to the church leadership, Jesus says: “Let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

This means a person has systematically rejected:

• The authority of God’s Word
• The conviction of the Holy Spirit
• The loving appeal of an individual believer
• The counsel of two or three witnesses
• The spiritual authority of church leadership

When someone rejects all of those checkpoints, they are displaying an unrepentant, hardened heart. They are living in contradiction to the gospel they profess.

John 14:21 (NASB)

‘He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him.’

1 John 1:5-6 (NASB)

This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and [yet] walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth;

Hebrews 12:7-8 (NASB)

It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom [his] father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.

How did Jesus treat Gentiles and tax collectors? He did not hate them; He loved them, shared the gospel with them, and called them to repentance, but He treated them as people who did not yet know Him.

In practical terms, under elder correction, such an individual is welcome to attend and hear the Word preached, but they cannot participate in communion, be baptized, or serve in leadership, because their life does not reflect submission to King Jesus.

Jesus affirms the spiritual weight of these leadership decisions in verses 18 through 20.

Matthew 18:18-20 (NASB)

’Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. ’Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. ‘For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.’

Verse 20 (“where two or three are gathered in my name”) is not primarily about a small prayer meeting—Jesus is with you by His Spirit even when you are alone! In context, this is about the authority of church leaders acting in unity and alignment with God’s Word during the care and correction process.

Active Discipline and the Heart for Restoration

What happens when a person moves beyond a blind spot into high-handed, willful rebellion?

Consider 1 Corinthians 5. Paul addresses a situation where a man was in blatant, scandalous sexual sin, and the church was boasting in their “tolerance” rather than mourning the rebellion.

1 Corinthians 5:1-5 (NASB)

It is actually reported that there is immorality among you, and immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles, that someone has his father’s wife. You have become arrogant and have not mourned instead, so that the one who had done this deed would be removed from your midst. For I, on my part, though absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged him who has so committed this, as though I were present. In the name of our Lord Jesus, when you are assembled, and I with you in spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus, [I have decided] to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.

Paul instructs the church to deliver such a person to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may ultimately be saved. When someone chooses blatant, defiant disobedience while demanding to remain in good standing, active discipline requires removing them from church fellowship.

This is not damning someone to hell; it is removing the protective umbrella of Christian fellowship, allowing them to experience the painful consequences of the world so they will come to their senses and repent. Paul mentions a similar action regarding Hymenaeus and Alexander in 1 Timothy.

1 Timothy 1:18-20 (NASB)

This command I entrust to you, Timothy, [my] son, in accordance with the prophecies previously made concerning you, that by them you fight the good fight, keeping faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and suffered shipwreck in regard to their faith. Among these are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan, so that they will be taught not to blaspheme.

Even when formal discipline must occur, the goal remains restoration. Second Thessalonians 3 gives us the posture to maintain.

2 Thessalonians 3:14-15 (NASB)

If anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of that person and do not associate with him, so that he will be put to shame. [Yet] do not regard him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

We adjust our social associations so the person recognizes the seriousness of their fracture with the body of Christ, yet we do not treat them as an enemy; we continue to plead with them as a brother or sister to be reconciled to God and to those they have hurt.

A Culture of Grace, Care, and Truth

I would love to tell you that these situations are always handled flawlessly, but life is messy. What our elders commit to you is that we will strive to oversee a care and correction process that is:

• Driven by love
• Bathed in prayer
• Pursued with grace and humility
• Affirmed in community
• Restorative in purpose
• Exalting to Jesus Christ

This is the challenging family business of loving one another enough to speak truth in love. May God make us a church that walks in deep humility, quick repentance, and genuine care for one another.

Let’s pray.

Father in heaven, thank You for giving us clear direction in Your Word on how to reflect Your heart. You are the Shepherd who pursues wandering sheep. Help us to be the body of Christ for one another—to care enough to speak up, and to possess hearts that are soft, humble, and quick to repent when Your Word, Your Spirit, or Your people point out our blind spots. Keep us faithful to You and to each other, in Jesus’ name. Amen.