Song of Solomon / Sexuality

The Frog in the Kettle

Welcome to you all. I want to start with a quick disclaimer as we dive into this. There is a tendency in the faith community to get really scared about subjects that can be a little dicey. However, we have tried over the years to be very forthright and frank about what the Bible says regarding controversial issues. I think there is probably no greater issue facing us today, no greater hill that we need to climb, and no greater obstacle we need to find a way to get over together than the issue of sexuality.

What I would like to do in our time together is take a good, candid look at sexuality and what is happening among us. Because something is happening. It wasn’t a full affront that occurred overnight. It’s not as if sexuality was in full order and honoring to God when we went to bed one evening, only to wake up the next morning and think, “Oh my goodness, what happened? We live in this really dark and perverted day!” It didn’t just “oops” itself into existence. I think what has happened is that we have experienced the proverbial frog in the kettle when it comes to the issue of sexuality.

I want to deal with this candidly, but I also want to say that if you are new to The Well or to the things of God, we don’t want to shy away from issues just because they might make us feel a little uncomfortable. I believe the gospel penetrates every area of life, including this one.

A Modern Screwtape Letter

In 1942, C.S. Lewis wrote his classic work, The Screwtape Letters. I share this with you because I think, in many ways, it walks us through what is happening with the issue of sexuality. If you’ve ever read it, it’s one of his most haunting writings. It’s a collection of letters from a senior demon, Screwtape, to his young apprentice, Wormwood. They are discussing how to bring about the damnation of a human they refer to as “the patient.”

Screwtape’s whole approach is subtlety. It’s about small, slow compromise—a little here, a little there, always under the radar. He never wants the patient to see that he is even at work. In the end, by feeding the patient’s vices and whispering in his ear to reject what is known about God in favor of personal preference, they secure his damnation.

I’m no C.S. Lewis, but I’d like to share my own shot at a “Screwtape Letter” for our day. If I were a demon trying to take us out, especially regarding sexuality, let me tell you what I would do.

First, I would undermine the veracity of the Word of God. I would take the authority of the Scriptures and slowly assault it with claims of archaic writing and perceived holes in the text. I’d argue it shouldn’t be taken literally because it’s old-fashioned and doesn’t speak to our day.

Then, I would promote a slow and steady rise of the “value of self.” I would promote egocentric living, telling you that you need to look out for “Number One” and that life is all about you. I would promote a humanistic concept of life that says, “You have needs and feelings, and those feelings must be satisfied.” I would push a sense of self-actualization where you lead yourself toward comfort based on your own decisions.

Meanwhile, I would bring a creeping irrelevance to the people of God. I would silence their voices with corruption and assassinate every Christian I could with moral compromise. I’d know that if you compromise yourself morally, your prophetic voice is muted. I would go after your leaders, because if I can get the leaders, I can implode the faith of the multitudes.

I would drown out the message of the exclusivity of Christ. I wouldn’t talk about holiness or righteousness. Instead, I would blend the messages of inclusion and tolerance—offering grace without truth. I would make the church a place of good works rather than a place where sin is called sin.

Behind the scenes, I would slowly introduce more sexual and deviant content. I would make wardrobe malfunctions the norm. I would exalt beauty, make it the object of everyone’s affection, and flaunt it constantly. I would glamorize exhibitionism with no regard for parameters. I would hijack the media to pump provocative thoughts and deviant behavior into every living room, every dorm room, and every dimly lit bedroom until it felt completely normal.

I would polarize the faith community. One pole would be “all truth and no grace.” I’d make them so angry they would picket and spew hate, discrediting themselves. The other pole would be “all grace and no truth.” I’d make them go silent out of fear or retreat into religious busyness—focusing on bigger buildings and more programs rather than the gospel.

I would remove any hope of restoration for those who have fallen. I would use shame and guilt continually, because if the faith community feels there is no hope, the resurrection of Jesus is of no avail to them.

Finally, I would attack the family. I’d cause men to go passive and irresponsible, obsessed with hobbies or fitness rather than leading their families. I’d cause women to create child-centered homes where kids become the only focus. I’d remove family meals and make the back seat of the SUV the new dinner table. I’d keep you so busy with soccer, dance, and softball that you feel a social mandate to participate so your kids aren’t “left behind.” I would replace parental conversation with digital babysitters, letting kids stare at screens for hours with no interaction.

I would make sexuality an issue of legal standing rather than moral standing, moving the battle from the living room to the courtroom. I would promote “no-fault” divorce, telling people, “God just wants you to be happy,” making it easy to walk away from a covenant.

And then, I would just sit back and laugh, because I had systematically undermined God, His image, and His agenda—and you didn’t even see it coming.

The Ancient Battle for the Image

That is exactly the world we live in. Unless we take notice, we allow this to erode the moral fabric of our society. We fail to recognize the pattern: what is tolerated in one generation is embraced wholeheartedly by the next. There is a battle being fought for the hearts and minds of our children, and we need to wake up.

This isn’t a new issue. We see it as early as Isaiah 14 and Ezekiel 28, when Satan attacked the character of God, saying, “I will ascend to the Most High.” That pride caused his ejection from glory. This isn’t just an issue of lust; it’s an issue of idolatry. It is a battle for that which is most precious to God: those created in His image.

Isaiah 14:13-14 (NASB)

’But you said in your heart, ’I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God, And I will sit on the mount of assembly In the recesses of the north. ‘I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’

Ezekiel 28:17 (NASB)

’Your heart was lifted up because of your beauty; You corrupted your wisdom by reason of your splendor. I cast you to the ground; I put you before kings, That they may see you.

In Genesis 1 and 2, God created us male and female in His image. Our intellect, emotion, and will come from the fact that God shaped us. The Psalmist says He formed us in our mother’s womb. Of all creation, God spoke things into existence, but for mankind, He breathed His own breath—His ruach—into us. We are the most important thing to God.

If you are the enemy of God and you’ve been defeated by Him, who are you going to go after next? You go after what He loves most: us.

Enter Genesis 3. Satan tempts Eve by questioning God’s boundaries. He suggests that God is holding out on her, saying, “If God really loved you, He’d let you do whatever you want.” Eve looks at the fruit and sees it is good for food, a delight to the eyes, and desirable for making one wise. In that moment, she and Adam chose preference and rationale over obedience.

Genesis 3:6 (NASB)

When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make [one] wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.

What is fascinating is what happens in the very next verse. The moment sin enters the world, their eyes are opened, they realize they are naked, and they hide. The very first thing corrupted by sin in our world is sexuality.

Genesis 3:7 (NASB)

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loin coverings.

Why? Because God cares about sexuality. In Genesis 2, He told them to be fruitful and multiply. He created sex for married couples to enjoy. It was His gift. Satan perverted the very thing God gave as a blessing. From there, the onslaught continued. In Genesis 4, a man named Lamech introduced polygamy, taking two “trophy wives.” If you look at every polygamous relationship in the Bible, it is a total train wreck.

Even Solomon, with a harem of a thousand women, found his heart led astray. It wasn’t just about the number of women; it was about idolatry. These foreign wives led him to worship pagan deities. Their “worship” services often involved orgies. God’s law created parameters—one man, one woman for life—so that His people would be distinct and reflect His glory rather than the perversions of the nations.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 (NASB)

For this is the will of God, your sanctification; [that is], that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God;

Ezekiel 16:24-25 (NASB)

that you built yourself a shrine and made yourself a high place in every square. ’You built yourself a high place at the top of every street and made your beauty abominable, and you spread your legs to every passer-by to multiply your harlotry.

The Exchange of Truth for a Lie

In Romans 1, Paul speaks to a Roman culture that felt its intellect far superseded the “cute” gospel of Christ. Paul argues that the wrath of God is revealed against those who suppress the truth.

Romans 1:16-20 (NASB)

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it [the] righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, ‘BUT THE RIGHTEOUS [man] SHALL LIVE BY FAITH.’ For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.

God has made Himself known through creation and conscience, so we are without excuse. However, verse 21 says that even though they knew God, they didn’t honor Him. Instead, they became futile in their speculations. Professing to be wise, they became fools.

Romans 1:21-23 (NASB)

For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.

That is what I call philosophy. Philosophy says, “If it feels good, do it.” Humanism says, “You have needs; meet them.” But the Bible says God has set boundaries for our freedom and righteousness.

When we exchange the glory of God for the worship of self and exchange the truth of God for a lie, God “gives us over” to the lusts of our hearts. This has both an active and passive meaning. Passively, God removes His hand and says, “If you want life without Me, go ahead.” Actively, there are unavoidable consequences for sin.

Romans 1:24-25 (NASB)

Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

When we insert preference over God’s design, our bodies are dishonored. Paul gets graphic, describing how women and men exchange natural functions for unnatural ones.

Romans 1:26-27 (NASB)

For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.

Sexuality is often the first thing defiled when a society rejects God. Today, it is very unpopular to take a stance on this. But the Bible is clear: God’s design is one man and one woman for life.

Now, we have a problem in the faith community. We have been awful at handling this. We’ve either embraced culture in the name of “tolerance,” or we’ve shown incredible “ungrace” by demonizing certain sins while ignoring others. Homosexuality is on the list of sins in 1 Corinthians 6, but so are greed, gossip, and anger. We can’t say “boys will be boys” when a girl gets pregnant out of wedlock but then act like homosexuality is a different category of evil. Sin is sin.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 (NASB)

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor [the] covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

I’ve had significant conversations about this because my own mother has been gay most of her life. I’ve wrestled with the question of whether people are “born that way.” Interestingly, Simon LeVay, a brilliant neuroscientist and a gay man who sought to find a genetic cause for homosexuality, admitted that his research did not prove it was genetic.

However, I do believe we are all born with a genetic predisposition to sin. We are brought forth in iniquity. We all have a “trader in the gates” of our souls. We have a propensity toward all kinds of things, and it is time we identify those things as sin rather than blaming our parents or God.

Facing the Reality of Our Day

This abandoning of sexuality also shows up in adultery. The author of Hebrews says the marriage bed is to be kept undefiled.

Hebrews 13:4 (NASB)

Marriage [is to be held] in honor among all, and the [marriage] bed [is to be] undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

I often hear people say, “I’m just not happy, and God wants me to be happy.” Show me where that is in the Bible! Whatever happened to being a fellow heir of Christ’s sufferings? If you are unhappy, that is not grounds for divorce. If someone tells me, “I left my wife because I wasn’t happy, and now my girlfriend and I want to come to church,” I say: No. Get your sorry butt back home, apologize to your bride, and repent.

God calls you to be a man of your word. You didn’t say “I promise to honor you if you keep me happy.” You said, “I am all in.” Go home. We have a counseling center to help you put the pieces back together, but it is not okay to walk away from your covenant.

Jesus also raised the bar. He said that if you even look at a woman with lust, you’ve committed adultery in your heart.

Matthew 5:28 (NASB)

but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

This means we have to talk about pornography. It will degrade your marriage. It perverts what God intended. And today, it’s so accessible. You don’t have to sneak into a seedy store anymore; it’s just a click away in your bedroom.

We also need to address masturbation. While there is no specific verse that says, “Thou shalt not,” it comes back to the issue of how we define sexual satisfaction. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul says the husband’s body belongs to the wife and the wife’s to the husband. If you are gleaning physical satisfaction sexually without your spouse, you are feeding a pattern of self-indulgence.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NASB)

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband [does]; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife [does]. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

If you are single and you have these needs, God’s plan is for you to learn to possess your vessel in honor until He provides a spouse. If you teach yourself to soothe your own needs now, you sabotage the process God has set up. You need to learn that obedience drives your life, not your feelings.

The Battle for the Heart

How do we battle these issues? Often, our first response is to build “moral fences.” We get internet filters, accountability groups, and rules about when we can use the computer. Those are all good things, but they won’t solve the problem.

It’s like a horror movie where the kids barricade themselves in a cabin to escape the killer, only to realize the killer is already inside with them. The problem isn’t just “out there.” The problem is the lust that is “in here.”

James 1:14 (NASB)

But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.

So, what is the solution?

First, you need a passionate commitment to Christ. You can’t fight this by being “religious” or nominal in your faith. You need to filter your life through the Word of God, not your own opinions.

Second, you must flee from temptation. Don’t try to fight it; run like Joseph did. Fighting lust is like getting in a ring with a pro fighter while your hands are tied. You’re going to get beat down.

Third, walk by the Spirit.

Galatians 5:16 (NASB)

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.

Fourth, renew your mind. It’s the principle of “garbage in, garbage out.” You can’t binge on porn Saturday night and expect your mind to be right on Sunday.

Romans 12:2 (NASB)

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

Finally, recognize who you are in Christ. You are not defined by your past or your mistakes. You are defined by the blood of Jesus. You are no longer a slave to the flesh. When those old thoughts come, shake them off! Say, “I don’t have to listen to you. Old life, you’re dead. I choose Christ.”

How we handle our sexuality reflects what we think about God. If we believe He is good and that His boundaries are for our freedom, then we need to live like it.

Let’s pray.

Father, I know there are few issues of more grave importance than this, because it influences everything. May Christ be in us the hope of glory. May we turn away from the old self and put on the new. We run to You, knowing that if we confess our sins, You are faithful and just to forgive us and purify us from all unrighteousness. We lay our sins before You and ask for the grace to walk in newness of life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.