A Tale of Two Brothers

It is no surprise to you that we live in a very fascinating world. Depending on your perspective, your background, your worldview, and your spiritual maturity, it has varying degrees of “disgustingness” depending on what you’re looking at and how you’re feeling in that moment.

You see, we live in a culture that tends to take biblical black-and-whites and make them gray—50 shades of gray. We live in a culture that takes sex and promotes indulgence; that takes alcohol and promotes addiction; that takes fashion and makes it as scandalous as possible. We live in a culture that is in complete disregard of the Word of God—one that takes marriage and makes it an issue of convenience, preference, or orientation, rather than an issue of design.

We live in a culture that has rejected the Word of God and suggests to us that the ends justify the means. Much like playing a game of Monopoly, when somebody gets up and leaves the table, you pull a couple of bucks off the pile because, hey, if that’s what it takes to win, that’s okay. We live in a culture that has rejected the concept of obedience to the Lord and has promoted indulgence as a normal way of life.

Where the Word of God is clear, the world says, “I know the Bible says that, but come on. How old is this book? It was written by all kinds of old dudes. Do they really speak for God? How can you know for sure? I know it says this or that, but that’s beyond old school. Have we not progressed beyond that? Isn’t this 2015? Are we not a culture that has grown up beyond the elementary truths or principles taught in this archaic book?”

The Danger of Religious Legalism

In response, I would love to tell you that the church has hunkered down in their Bibles and faithfully pursued Jesus with a heart to reflect the Gospel. I’d love to tell you that we are people who understand the dynamic of what it means to be salt and light, to influence this world. I’d love to tell you that we, like a SEAL Team Six, are infiltrating the darkness and kicking down the gates of hell to bring light to dark places.

But I think you know as well as I do that we’re not. In fact, what the church has done in response to a world that makes black-and-white biblical issues gray is that we have made gray issues black-and-white. We have become professional religious experts: all obedience on the outside, all compromise on the inside. We’re modern-day Pharisees. We take the idea of looking spiritual, dressing spiritual, and acting spiritual as long as people are looking, but as soon as they turn around, we go live like the world because that’s more fun anyway.

We’ve become legalists. We come about it naturally, by the way. If you go all the way back to the book of Genesis, God gave Adam a very clear command. He said, “Of all the trees of the garden, eat freely, but there’s one tree I don’t want you to eat from, because on the day that you eat from it, you will die. Die.”

Then Satan came to Eve. By the way, it was Adam’s job to communicate to Eve what God said, and he failed miserably. So, the apple hadn’t fallen too far from the tree—no pun intended. Satan comes to Eve and asks what God said. Eve responds, “We can eat, but if there’s one tree in the garden, we shouldn’t eat it or touch it, or we’ll die.”

Now, that’s fascinating to me. It’s almost funny. That is like an old-school Baptist. I was hoping you’d laugh at that! The point is: if eating is bad, then touching has to be bad. That is old-school legalism at its finest. Is that not religion at its best? Take what is bad and then create enough of a boundary that you call the boundary bad as well. If premarital sex is bad, premarital dancing is equally bad. If getting drunk is bad, alcohol is equally bad. If indulgent dancing is bad, music is bad. We’ve done that for centuries.

Navigating the Vague Areas of Life

Where the world takes black-and-white issues and makes them gray, we take gray issues and make them black-and-white. So the question we need to ask is: how are we, as the people of God, to live in a world that is not in favor of the things of God?

Unfortunately, what we’ve done historically is create moral fences to insulate ourselves from the evil “out there.” In Colossians, the apostle Paul makes the comment that we say things like, “Don’t handle, don’t taste, don’t touch.”

Colossians 2:21 (NASB)

‘Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!’

He says these things have the external appearance of religious behavior. They seem to be about the severe treatment of the body and therefore look spiritual. But he says they are of no earthly value against the battle of fleshly indulgence. We can put moral fences up. We can say the internet is evil, Hollywood is evil, music is evil, and actors are evil. But the problem with moral fences is that you don’t lock the evil out; you lock the evil in. The problem isn’t them; the problem is you. Each one of us is led away and enticed by our own lust.

So, how do we as the body of Christ begin to respond together appropriately? Let me make a disclaimer: where the Scripture is clear, we must be obedient regardless of how it feels. I’m not talking about issues that are clearly revealed in Scripture. I’m talking about amoral, non-essential, non-revelatory issues.

Where the Scripture is clear, we obey. Where the Scripture is vague, that’s where it gets hard. Where it is vague, we have to function according to conscience. What is the Spirit of God telling me in this moment of decision? What He’s telling me might be different than what He’s telling you. We have to function according to moral discernment. If we’re talking about an issue clearly revealed in the Book, it’s not about what you or I think; it’s about what the Book says. But there are issues where even a body united under Jesus is going to see things a little differently. That’s what Romans 14 is dealing with.

The Tale of Two Brothers

I want to look at verse 13 and following. I call this “A Tale of Two Brothers.” Throughout this text, you’ll hear terms like the “stronger brother” and the “weaker brother.” This isn’t just a “dude” issue; this is an “all of us” issue.

A stronger brother is one who is strong in faith, has appropriated Christ, understands the Gospel, recognizes biblical freedoms, and enjoys the grace that comes with it. The weaker brother is weaker in faith—not necessarily in practice or life, just in faith. This is someone who doesn’t experience the full freedom of the cross. They are still shackled to old traditions, old patterns, and old habits. They are still erecting moral fences to lock the evil out.

In this passage, we see a double exhortation. First, the stronger brother must not destroy the weaker brother with their freedom. Second, the weak must not condemn the strong because they feel biblical freedom. Look at the text in chapter 14, starting in verse 13. You’ll notice a road sign right off the bat: the word “therefore.”

Romans 14:13 (NASB)

Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this– not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way.

To judge literally means to condemn. The formation of this passage means to no longer have the habit of criticizing one another. This isn’t just a warning; it’s a prohibition. He’s saying, “You are doing this, and you need to stop.”

Often, we assume this is the weaker brother looking at the mature brother and saying, “You shouldn’t do this.” But in this passage, it’s the stronger brother who is being told not to judge. He says to determine this: not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in your brother’s way.

The Highest Expression of Freedom

What is the highest expression of our biblical freedom? Some would suggest the highest expression of my freedom is when I don’t care what you think. “I’m going to do what feels good between me and the Lord. It’s none of your business. If I want to go to a pub after church and have a beer, I will. I won’t get drunk, because the Bible is clear on that, but the Bible doesn’t say alcohol is bad. If you don’t like it, that’s your fault.”

Is that the highest expression of biblical freedom? Absolutely not. I would make the argument that the highest expression of your freedom is not the flexing of your rights, but your willingness to acquiesce to the weaker brother. Spiritual maturity means being mindful of those who are less mature. If I go to the pub and I’m throwing down a beer, and a person from church sees me and says, “I can’t listen to a thing he says; he’s a drunk,” then I’ve lost everything. Whether it was “right” for me to do or not, if I put a stumbling block in front of someone else, I’ve failed.

Shay introduced a question last week: in the relationship between the stronger and weaker brother, who makes the first move? Paul shows his cards in verse 14.

Romans 14:14 (NASB)

I know and am convinced in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself; but to him who thinks anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean.

Paul stands here in freedom as a “stronger brother.” He says he is continually convinced that nothing in and of itself is unclean. He understands grace and the law of liberty. In Matthew 15, Jesus made the observation that it’s not what enters the mouth that defiles, but what comes out of the mouth.

Matthew 15:11 (NASB)

‘[It is] not what enters into the mouth [that] defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man.’

There was a shift taking place. In Acts 10, Peter sees a vision of unclean animals and God says, “Arise, Peter, kill and eat.”

Acts 10:13-15 (NASB)

A voice came to him, ‘Get up, Peter, kill and eat!’ But Peter said, ‘By no means, Lord, for I have never eaten anything unholy and unclean.’ Again a voice [came] to him a second time, ‘What God has cleansed, no [longer] consider unholy.’

God was telling him it was okay to have some pulled pork or bacon. The dietary laws were being set aside. Paul recognizes his freedom, but he doesn’t force his maturity on others. He gives them space to disagree.

The stronger brother should make the first move because he knows others are struggling due to historical context, family heritage, or religious tradition. Old habits are hard to break. These regulations of spirituality seemed right for so long to their parents and grandparents.

CDs, Grunge, and Conscience

We have these traditions even today. I remember going to church as a kid with my grandparents. You didn’t move in church! My brother kept farting, I was the one laughing, and I was the one who got in trouble. I’m not recommending that for your kids, but the point is we have these ingrained traditions.

I remember when I was in college and came to faith, I was part of a CD club. I had piles and piles of CDs and big 15-inch Cerwin-Vega speakers. I could get kicked out of any apartment complex in Fresno because my music was so loud. I had the Led Zeppelin box set, Def Leppard, Garth Brooks, The Police, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam—I was into the whole grunge thing. I had Rage Against the Machine, and I had the Geto Boys, NWA, and Eazy-E. I wasn’t exactly having a quiet time to those albums.

When I came to Christ, I wrestled with what to do with that. There was a lot of it that was really bad. I swung the pendulum and became the weaker brother. I sold it all. I went to Warehouse Records, sold the collection, and bought Steven Curtis Chapman, Petra, Michael W. Smith, and a little DC Talk.

Then I was discipled. I started realizing that the music wasn’t all bad. I started thinking, “I kind of like James Taylor. I wish I still had that Led Zeppelin box set.” I started swinging back the other way, realizing I had freedom in Christ to enjoy certain things. I almost regretted swinging so far as the weaker brother.

Some would say, “No, you should have sold it all! You should just listen to Amy Grant.” That’s a big debate every Christmas in my house because I don’t want to listen to Amy Grant, but my wife thinks she has the best Christmas album. I don’t care! We have that debate. But look at verse 14: to him who thinks anything is unclean, to him it is unclean. If your conscience is grieved, then for you, it isn’t right.

Walking in Love Over Liberty

Now, look at verse 15. If your freedom in movies, alcohol, music, tattoos, or homeschooling causes hurt to your brother, to you it is sin.

Romans 14:15 (NASB)

For if because of food your brother is hurt, you are no longer walking according to love. Do not destroy with your food him for whom Christ died.

If the exercising of our personal freedoms causes a brother or sister to hurt spiritually, we’ve missed it. Paul uses the phrase “walking in love.” It means to be in earnest pursuit of love. If our freedoms cause harm, we are no longer pursuing love; we are pursuing self.

I’ve talked to people about this, and they say, “It’s none of their business what I do in my home!” Well, then stop inviting them over. If every time they come over they are offended, either stop inviting them or stop the behavior. People ask, “Why do I have to please people?” You’re not pleasing people; you’re pleasing God. If you want that “thing” so bad that you’d rather offend a brother, we need to ask why that thing has become an ultimate thing to you. It reveals inner idolatry.

Knowledge makes us arrogant, but love builds up.

1 Corinthians 8:1 (NASB)

Now concerning things sacrificed to idols, we know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge makes arrogant, but love edifies.

It’s not about proving you’re right; it’s about pursuing one another in love. The world says, “Live your life however you want.” God says, “It is your life and your faith, but we are in this together.”

Romans 14:16 (NASB)

Therefore do not let what is for you a good thing be spoken of as evil;

Kingdom Priorities: Righteousness, Peace, and Joy

The mature always make the first move. Freedom is not to be flaunted; it is to be stewarded. This doesn’t mean your freedom is sin, and it doesn’t mean the weaker brother should criticize you as if it were sin. But the higher calling is found in verse 17.

Romans 14:17 (NASB)

for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

I’ll give you a true story. Years ago, I was living in Texas. I had two guys over at my house—Shay Sumlin and Mike Sladen. We were in the backyard barbecuing, shirts off, having a ball. One of the guys said, “We should have a cigar.” I thought, “Why not?” So we’re back there smoking a cigar when there’s a knock on the door. It was a guy from our church. He came back, saw us smoking, and awkwardly left.

We went to church that night, and the guy who was discipling him came up to me. “Were you smoking a cigar today? That guy who stopped by was really offended. To him, a cigar is like a cigarette, and a cigarette is like a joint. He felt like he walked in on you smoking a bowl.”

My first reaction was pride. “Who cares? He wasn’t invited! He needs to grow up!” Then this passage came to mind. If anything I do causes my brother to stumble, it is sin. I walked up to the guy and said, “Hey, I heard you were offended by what happened today. I am so sorry we caused offense. I apologize and would never want to cause you to stumble.”

He was shocked. He said, “Wow, thanks,” and walked away. Does that mean I never smoked a cigar again? No. It just means I didn’t invite him and I locked the door!

In my pride, I didn’t want to apologize because I didn’t think I did anything wrong. But I had to apologize for causing him to stumble. Being one and enjoying the Holy Spirit is more important than my preference.

Romans 14:18-19 (NASB)

For he who in this [way] serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another.

Protecting the Work of God

The central passage in this section is verse 20. It’s the pivot for the whole thing.

Romans 14:20 (NASB)

Do not tear down the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are clean, but they are evil for the man who eats and gives offense.

If I had told that guy, “I don’t care, get over it,” what would that have done to his spiritual life? My credibility would have been lost. When I humbled myself, he could actually hear me when I stood up to teach the next week. Don’t tear down the work of God in someone’s life for the sake of your preference. When you place your faith in Christ, your personal rights are set aside in the interest of love. That is the heart of the Gospel.

Romans 14:21 (NASB)

It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or [to do anything] by which your brother stumbles.

It is always cleaner to err on the side of being conservative in public. It doesn’t mean you’re a legalist. But if other people are involved, you have to consider their needs as more important than yours. One scholar put it this way: if we physically alter our pace while walking with a toddler, how much more should we alter our behaviors to help a weaker brother?

What you do in public and private can be different. After I mow my lawn, every once in a while, I’ll have a beer. I’m not doing keg stands; I’m just having a beer. But will I go to a restaurant and have a beer? Probably not. I can’t control the environment. If I stand up to cheer for a game and someone sees me with a beer, they might think I’m drunk. It’s not worth the loss of credibility.

People ask, “Isn’t that hypocritical?” No, it’s biblical. It’s being considerate. The higher you go in leadership, the narrower your freedom becomes. If you’d rather have a beer than be a leader, that’s fine—just don’t be a leader. But leadership requires a higher standard.

Romans 14:22 (NASB)

The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves.

If you feel the freedom, enjoy it before God. But don’t press it on others. And if you aren’t acting out of faith, it’s a problem.

Romans 14:23 (NASB)

But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because [his eating is] not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin.

If you’re convicted, stop. This is why I walk out of some movies. Sometimes the Lord just says, “Get out,” and my wife and I bounce. Other times, I stay. God works with each of us differently, and we have to be in tune with that.

Closing Challenge: Bearing One Another’s Burdens

Here is the guiding principle:

Romans 15:1 (NASB)

Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not [just] please ourselves.

Other people—with their weaknesses, their legalism, and their pharisaic rules—are more important than your freedom. If you are spiritually mature, show it by setting aside your freedoms to bear the burdens of the weak.

The only way we come together is under the headship of Jesus. Both the stronger and weaker brothers are sincere believers. Both love Jesus. Both will be in heaven. Instead of throwing stones, let’s link arms. Let’s not make rules; let’s ask hard questions. “God, what are You putting on my heart?” Let’s learn to dance in the middle and think biblically as the people of God.

Father in heaven, I thank You for the Gospel. It not only saves but sanctifies us and gives us a higher calling. May the pursuit of love be our highest end. I pray for the stronger brothers and sisters, that there would never be arrogance or flaunting of freedom. And for the weaker brothers and sisters, may they never throw stones or condemn. May we lock arms in pursuit of love under Jesus, winning people to Christ and discipling them to maturity. Help us, in Jesus’ name, Amen.